Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
