I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
