Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
