you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
