so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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