i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize