Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
