There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
