The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
