Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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