Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
