Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
