i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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