Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
