And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
