Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
