please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
