So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
