I think I won the penis lottery.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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