if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
