I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize