We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
