did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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