I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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