about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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