so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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