Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
