I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
