You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
