It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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