don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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