I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
