I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
