Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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