uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
