what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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