everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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