oh god the rape fog is back!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
