hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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