why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
