I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
