So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
