So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
