oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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