i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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