everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He did a backflip because drugs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
