There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
