Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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