it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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