So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize