I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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