I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
