I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize