Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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