Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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