Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
