This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
