i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
