Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Enjoy the penises
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize