I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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