I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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