It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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