you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
