Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
