worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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