Only a mothe r could love this liver
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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