His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize