4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
3 2 1 whiskey
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
