Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize