it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
