you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
