his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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