yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
