Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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