dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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